Back to Reality

Forty-seven days ago I received my new kidney, and sadly, my medical leave is over. At my appointment on Wednesday, the doctor officially signed off that I have permission to go back to work. Tomorrow is my first day back. The time from my surgery through the recovery period went very quickly. Too quickly.

The official back to the grind document

I’m not going to lie. I’d be quite happy to stay home and not have to work. While I have a good job and work with good people, there’s something about not having the stress of work to deal with everyday. The first two to three weeks were hard because I was uncomfortable, couldn’t sleep well, didn’t have an appetite, was adjusting to the medications, didn’t think I’d ever be able to wear regular pants again, and had little energy. After the first few weeks, however, when I started to feel better and could drive again, I was able to enjoy being home. Some days my biggest dilemma was whether I should read, color, or watch TV. I read the books that were piled on my nightstand that had been waiting for me to find some spare reading time. I took an online graduate class and finished in record time. I had odd sleeping hours and didn’t mind if I was awake at 3:00 a.m. because I knew I had the day to rest if I needed. I got myself outside walking and was able to take advantage of this nice fall weather we’ve had. I was also home if Abby needed a ride to or from school or practice. We canceled Griffin’s before and after care since I was going to be home. I was able to wait with him in the morning and see him on the bus. I was home to see him get off the bus in the afternoon. I’ve never been able to do that since I’ve worked all through my kids’ years. I could get housework done when I felt like it. The dishes were put in the dishwasher, washed, and emptied on a daily basis. I could vacuum and get laundry done during the day rather than trying to cram everything in on a Saturday after working all week. Everything was just easier.

Much of my days were of Josie just staring at me. No idea why. She'd just stare.

Fortunately, I am feeling good, so I should be ready to get back in the groove. Most everything since the transplant has been positive. The two issues I continue to deal with are a medication level and elevated antibodies. One of my anti-rejection drugs is supposed to be in a certain range to do its job. Mine has been either too high or too low, neither of which is safe or effective for protecting the kidney. My medication doses have changed frequently, yet it just keeps skipping the correct range. When I was at my appointment on Wednesday, the doctor was reviewing my levels over the past six weeks and when he read the one that was the highest, he said to me, “Wow! That was high. You could’ve had a seizure.” Awesome. This drug also gives me tremors. My hands shake a lot and I’ve lost some fine motor skills. Writing, holding eating utensils, and anything that requires my hands to use some skill is more work and I really have to concentrate. The positive though, was that on Wednesday, the previous blood test showed that the med level was finally in the correct range! And then, yesterday, I got a call from the doctor saying it had gone too low again. It was fun while it lasted.

The second issue is that my antibodies have elevated from class I to class II. Elevated antibodies are a risk factor of organ rejection. They increased another one of my anti-rejection meds and are hoping once the other one gets into the correct range, there will be some improvement with the elevated levels. If it goes higher, there is a chance I’ll need IV therapy to try and see if that can help. That’s definitely not my preference, so hopefully things improve without adding that fun. But, I will have to do what I have to if it means keeping this kidney.

The final thing I need to think about is germs. As I return to the petri dish that is school, I have to wash frequently, stay away from the hacking students as much as possible, remember not to touch my face, and wash the tables and doorknobs daily. I will be a germaphobe. The anti-rejection drugs suppress my immune system, so I can’t fight off illness as well anymore. Maybe I’ll just sit in a bubble at my desk to be proactive. Then George Costanza and I can play Trivial Pursuit and he’ll ask me who invaded Spain in the 8th century. I’ll know the correct answer is the Moops.

Life after transplant has its ups and downs and there’s always uncertainty. One thing I’m certain about, however, is that I am going back to work tomorrow. Since I am not wealthy and don’t appear to be coming into money any time soon, I need to earn that paycheck. The rushed days, the added stress, and the lack of freedom are creeping back in. I realize this is like every other working parent/adult, so I just need to suck it up and set that 5:00 a.m. alarm Monday morning and deal with it. Well, maybe I should set it for 4:45 because I now need time to take 13 pills before work. Back to reality I go….